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| Quit While You're Ahead By The Wise Guy First of all, I just wanted to say I love your commercials for MasterCard. "Cut that meat! Cut that meat!" That is classic, the way you say it. And I like how you go "De-Caf! De-Caf!" to that waitress. It's like a parody of when the fans go "De-Fense! De-Fense", right? Honestly, I think you're so good, you should go into acting full time. A big football star like you could probably make $5 million a film. I know I'd go and see your movies. "Cut that meat! Cut that meat!" I laugh every time I think of it. You should go to Hollywood immediately. Like, today. I mean, why should you play Sunday against the Pittsburgh Steelers and risk your entire acting career to injury? Heck, you've already set the single season record for touchdown passes. You're the only quarterback in NFL history to pass for over 3,000 yards in his first eight seasons. You've won the MVP award twice. What else could you possibly want? A Superbowl ring? That stuff is way overrated. Dan Marino didn't win a Super Bowl ring. Neither did Fran Tarkenton or your dad. And they're all Hall of Fame quarterbacks. Look, if you really want to play this Sunday, here's an idea. You walk up to the line of scrimmage. Then you yell, "Cut" Kind of like in "Cut that meat!" Then you go out of the game and let Jim Sorgi come in and be your stunt quarterback. He could wear the same number as you, so no one would ever know. He would take all the hits for you. Then, if the Colts do score, you could run on the field with your arms over your head to celebrate while they send Jim to make-up, or the hospital, like Carson Palmer. See where I'm going with this? Peyton, I can see you doing the fourth remake of "The Longest Yard." You'd be way better than Adam Sandler. He probably never even played football. What I am suggesting is not without precedent. Jim Brown retired at the height of his career (just where you are, Peyton), and he was awesome in "The Dirty Dozen" and "Mars Attacks!" He knew when to quit. I hope you do, too. |